The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
