Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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