he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
