Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
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you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
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I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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