never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
