My nipple is on Facebook.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
