I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
it's great music for shaving your balls
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
