Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
