I would go down on you faster than GM stock
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
