he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
