I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
