new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
