You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
