I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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