Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
