five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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