I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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