Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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