Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
