I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize