i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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