I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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