U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
