I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
