im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
