She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
