i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
