i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests đ
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing âHappy Birthdayâ to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, âWhy didnât you sing along?!?â I responded, âI donât know him. I donât give a shit if he has a happy birthday.â
Iâm good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so thereâs that.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworkerâs marriage count?
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