Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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