I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
