The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
