God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
