I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize