I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize