I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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