The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
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Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
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he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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