You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
