who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
