So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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