Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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