Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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