do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
