i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
