how can u be prego again
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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