I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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