even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
