end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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