508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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