I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
