I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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