I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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