These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Is it because I queefed?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
