is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
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Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
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we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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