we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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