tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
