I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
A bitchslap is in order.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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