He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
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At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
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I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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