butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
My room smells like vodka and shame
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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