They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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