The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
