please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
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