I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
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Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
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Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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