He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
