and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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